I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
