Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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