Betty ford says i'm here all night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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