I looked at my own cervix.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
