she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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