Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
