Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
