Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
