after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
