He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
