You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize