I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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