just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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