I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
