Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
