Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
