My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
