Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
