the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
