Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
