Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
