I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
