Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
