Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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