TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
