oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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