Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
