dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was born a porn star she said
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
