When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
