I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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