but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
