Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
