I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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