rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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