I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Im part way to drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
