i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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