Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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