I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize