This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who died my cat blue again?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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