is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
