i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
