yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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