All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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