Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
