He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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