the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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