I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
