I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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