Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
