we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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