I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
