Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize