Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
