Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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