Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bring money and cleavage
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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