So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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