I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
