How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
