Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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