The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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