I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
