Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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