Buhtt sex?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
