Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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