i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
