what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
