dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
