I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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