the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
