It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
