Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
