dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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