i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize