The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
