he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize