Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
