So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
