My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
