The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
